On this self growth journey I’m forcing myself to try new things (Creativity wise I mean). Some days, as a mother, seem more difficult than others and I find myself struggling to make it into the craft room, aka: the Office. So today I tried something new, I brought my supplies into the living room and doodled while watching an anime. It was a new one, slightly dark and creepy, but I loved the premise and the visual aspects of it so I doodled. I listened to the show while I worked and just let go creatively.
A couple episodes in, it dawned on me that I was actually creating something that stirred emotions in me that I hadn’t felt before. I was actually enjoying what I was doing. I wasn’t feeling the pressures of self doubt and negativity. Mind you, I this is only like perhaps the third time that I had attempted to draw anything. I often looked at my sketches in horror. The thoughts of negativity crept in before I could even finish, it was debilitating. I was so harsh in critiquing my art that I ended up just scrapping it all putting it back into the art bin to lay untouched for another decade or so. (I’m sure that many of you reading this can also attest to these same emotions.) We are, after all, our own worst critics right?
Well this time, I shifted my focus. Enjoying the process I thought, ya know what, this is growth. This is the first step into something that, at that moment I felt, could become something more!
It was that ‘heaven’s opening and angels singing’ moment for me. I don’t have to be perfect at something and THAT’S OK! Whether anyone liked my art or not, I was creating for myself. I was HAPPY doing it and that enjoyment kept the negative thoughts at bay.
The creature may have been my rendition of a character from the anime Ajin, but it truly symbolized something more for me. It was that horror of thoughts, all those doubts that I had been holding inside keeping me from pushing through and with its hand outstretched it beckoned to me, “Stop. Let go of the doubt, push aside the negativity and find out what you are capable of.”
Whether your monster is art, singing, coding, school or just life in general-whatever is holding you back- I hope that you are able to confront it and actually find comfort in the process of change. Life only gets better if we try!
Here’s what I created:
For those interested, here’s what I used: Morning Glory Smart Touch 2.0 graphite pencil, Tombow mono sand eraser, Dylusions ink spray (put into aqua pens) in the colors: slate grey, pomegranate and after midnight and a uni pen fine line 0.3 in black.